Monkey would have been 7 today. I woke this morning and cried. Husband was lovely but still doesn't quite get that it's okay to cry sometimes. He gets up to have a shower and Pickle gets up too. I then hear his door shut again. I go downstairs. "Daddy said you were asleep" he says. It staggers me that Husband doesn't realise that what I need most is a hug from one of my boys. I tell Pickle that Mummy is a bit sad because it is Alex's birthday and I miss him. In reply, he asks me to read Beast Quest. I ask for a hug first. The hug is half hearted. "Read Beast Quest Mummy. I think Alex would like it. Do you think he can hear? I think he can. God can so Alex must be able to as well. Read Beast Quest for Alex Mummy". We read Beast Quest.
After dropping Pickle at school, Wotsit and I visit the friend I made at the bereavement group I went to after Monkey died. It was a good place to go today. We indulge each other a bit and eat cake whilst the children play.
We collected Pickle from school and stopped at the church to drop off 7 white flowers on Monkey's plaque. We play outside for a bit and I sit on the Monkey Bench. After tea, we take the sparklers we've saved out into the garden and light them. I spell out the name of all my boys.
We come in and it's bath and bed for the boys. Wotsit is cuddling Monkey's dog that Grandma bought the week he died. It was the day she flew back to Australia and the day Monkey was readmitted to hospital to fight off a chest infection for a couple of days. In Pickle's room (after more Beast Quest), I ask what song he would like before he goes to sleep. "Happy Birthday".
Happy Birthday dear Alex. We love you. We miss you. xxx