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To my husband, I think I have reached some conclusions.
I am happy to move but;
I don't want your commute to increase by very much at all
I don't want to sell our lovely house in a nice area on the off chance that we find something else
I do want to live in a village with a nice community feel
School catchment is important
And so is walking to school - preferably to age 11
I don't want to increase our mortgage by very much at all, or our term
I do want to live in a grown up house or a house that has potential to be a grown up house (which isn't completely out of our reach to actually do one day)
I would also be very happy staying where I am
Oh, and if we do leave I will cry more than you can possibly imagine.
Today Wotsit is 2 years, 9 months and 1 day old. He is exactly the same age as Monkey was when he died. He is so like his big brother in looks and cheekiness but not temper. Monkey was content and undemanding and I don't believe that was due to his disability; that was his character. Wotsit is feisty and occassionally stroppy but with a wicked sense of humour. They both love(d) cuddles.
Wotsit talks about Monkey now. He's learnt from Pickle mostly. He'll tell you Monkey died in a swimming pool. It took us a while to realise he thought we'd said Monkey had 'dived'. And he cuddles Monkey's monkey.
So he's caught his biggest brother up in age and is about to overtake. Irrationally, I'll be checking on him later just to make sure.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. We're thinking of moving and I'm very confused. The move would bring us closer to husband's family but stretches us financially and we would need to make reasonably major compromises on the size of the house and garden we have. I know that we can be happy wherever we are but want to do the right thing for us all.
I know that leaving this house will never be easy. Monkey was only here for 9 months before he died but it's the last place he was. My memory is not brilliant but at least here there are lots of triggers. Most of his ashes are buried in the churchyard and I can hear the church bells from my bedroom. I don't think these are reasons to stay but they do make it hard to leave. I've always maintained that Monkey is with me but if we leave here I feel a little like I am leaving him behind. I know I need to look forward but it's tough.
There are lots of other positive reasons to stay too. We are happy here. Pickle's school is lovely and future schools are good. I have friends only 30 minutes away. It's an ok commute for husband. We have a study and a utility room!
So why go? It would be good to be closer to family. They'll help us out, maybe babysit occassionally. When they get a bit older, we'll be on hand to help them too. We'll spend less time on the M25. It's probably a nicer area which also has good schools and, in the right spot, the commute should be ok.
I think it boils down to two things keeping us here; Monkey and money. What to do? Not sure but feeling quite unsettled by the indecision. Although I do at least have a legitamate reason to feed my Rightmove addiction.
