Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Is Pickle reading my blog?

Last time I posted, I wrote about how we say Monkey is stuck in our heart. Tonight, bathtime, Pickle is being a horror. Defiance at every turn. I tried an element of pleading, some bribery a little bit of withdrawing attention (by far the most effective) and (I'm not proud of this) a small amount of shouting.

It culminated with a meltdown of amazing proportion which led to him screaming 'I want my big brother'. This has happened once before and was, I believe, genuine. It stopped me in my tracks. Tonight, I have to say I doubt how genuine it was and think Pickle was looking for a reaction. However, he eventually calmed and it ended with a big cuddle and gulping tears. And then...

'What's that noise Mummy?'
'It's just air in the radiator Pickle'.
'No, not that noise Mummy, THAT noise'
'I'm pretty sure it's the air in the radiator'
'What do you think it is Pickle?'
'I'm listening to Alex in your heart Mummy, I can hear him.'

He is pressed right up against me, ear to my chest, listening to my hearbeat, listening for his brother.


  1. That made me cry! Children are such wonderful beings arent they!

  2. Beautiful challenging wonderful beings!

  3. Just come across your blog from my stat links. It's so hard, isn't it? Your post made me cry because Alex was my son's name too... xx

  4. Yes it's hard - and in some ways harder now than before because it's our forever. x

  5. I've just found you too. I know all about loss, but not the loss of a child ... I can only imagine.

    You write beautifully, I have a lump in my throat.